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The Bear at the Front Door

Anyone interested in creative writing has probably already heard the phrase, “the bear at the front door.” But if you’ve never had the chance to take a college creative writing class or else simply can’t remember anything that was said in the college creative writing class you did take because you were too busy evaluating […]

Posted in Das Kolumne

Comments: 0

Some Rich White Male Writers You May Have Missed

As many critics have pointed out, the Western canon is almost exclusively made up of books written by overprivileged white men. This is unfortunate for two reasons: 1) The work of great writers who just so happen to be not white or male or privileged end up being excluded. 2) There are so many celebrated […]

Posted in Das Kolumne

Comments: 1

Murder Your Darlings

“Murder your darlings,” is a popular piece of writing advice that is often attributed to William Faulkner, but which can actually be traced back to the English writer and surname collector Sir Arthur Quiller-Couch. Of course, this expression is not meant to suggest that literally killing the people you care about will make you a […]

Posted in Das Kolumne

Comments: 13

How To Interpret Your Rejection Letters

As a writer I have received my fair share of rejection letters. Though, I have also received many exciting, sexy acceptance letters — acceptance letters that are not only filled with the praise of well-respected editors, but which often smell as if they have been spritzed with fine perfumes. I have received acceptance letters in […]

Posted in Das Kolumne

Comments: 14

Books To Buy Your Pet This Holiday Season

A gift-giving guide for the beast in your life.

Posted in Das Kolumne

Comments: 2

How to Apply to an MFA Program

It is important to remember that, though I have never gained admittance to an MFA program, I have applied many, many, many times

Posted in Das Kolumne

Comments: 15

5 1/2 Writers Under 11

Tentatively titled Ian’s Notebook KEEP OUT!!!!, critics are speculating that Donnelly’s first and last novel will be a frontrunner to be snubbed by next year’s Pulitzer Board.

Posted in Das Kolumne

Comments: 2

How to Write Erotic Fiction

Instead of someone in your story having an epiphany, he or she should have a sex slave named Epiphany.

Posted in Das Kolumne

Comments: 13

How To Get An Agent

Even worse, they have to deal with us writers… the most abusive, self-obsessed, and ridiculous creatures to ever besmirch God’s good earth. That‘s why when you see literary agents on the street they always look haggard, with their eyes bloodshot and stacks of manuscripts clutched desperately to their chests. It’s as if they are only getting 15% of life.

Posted in Das Kolumne

Comments: 8

Show, Don’t Tell

Creative writing is not about expressing your unique personhood; it’s about learning secret craft rules that will help you to purify your work of imperfections.

Posted in Das Kolumne

Comments: 13

The Importance of Being Affected

There is polygamy that is exciting and provocative, but, as Mr. Silverstein proved, there is also polygamy that is cultish and creepy.

Posted in Das Kolumne

Comments: 3

Seth Fried’s “Das Kolumne”

Despite the fact that there is no evidence to support the claim, many colonial newspapers attributed the coining of the phrase “flash fiction” to Benedict Arnold.

Posted in Das Kolumne

Comments: 9