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The Last Gift

January 20th, 2000, The Netherlands Believe it or not, nobody objected. Not one of us stood up in the bedroom and said, “Don’t kill him.” Neither did anybody else in the house for that matter, the cleaning lady, the unobtrusive nurse. We all accepted my father’s fate with eyes wide open and mouths shut. Imagine us […]

Posted in Essays, Flash Fidelity

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U-District Skate Spots of the Late ’90s

The planter we ollied over on the sidewalk outside IHOP at 2 a.m., where the woman studying engineering at UW found us studying a stream of ants packing pancake crumbs into a pinhole. She said we looked like her little brothers and she led us back to her apartment to sit on a rooftop over Lake Washington, listening to KEXP, while the garden lights of software engineers turned the water’s edge expensive colors. She got sarcastic when we didn’t swallow all of the prescription drugs she handed us. Doug Martsch said, “Wiggly days, wiggly nights.”

Posted in Flash Fidelity

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Under the Aegean Moon

On the Aegean coast of Turkey, the sea casts rainbows at olive trees, and mountains stretch eagerly into the open water, creating sheltered coves. My American husband and I arrived in one of these inlets soon after our wedding in Istanbul—though we live in Brooklyn, we were married in Turkey where most of my family […]

Posted in Essays, Flash Fidelity

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A New Species of Yucca

The leg juts at an unnatural angle from a mound of dirt in the middle of the rolling hills of Iraqi desert hardpan. We have not slept in some hours. We have been rained on for days. We have not been warm in weeks.

Posted in Flash Fidelity

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I Can Smell the Tear Gas From Across the Sea

I’m seven or eight and I dig my hand into the wet sand in search for clams. The water on Playa Guacuco is cool, with small waves that crash so consistently, you could count time with them. My sister, one year younger than me, is doing the same thing. She’s wearing a bathing suit with […]

Posted in Flash Fidelity

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Distance

I am eight. The lights of the farm across the road from my home are an archipelago of hovering dots. Moos float disembodied in blackness, startling me. White noise in the dark night. My father works there. The family business, generations old, the farm Upstate. He is inside one of those lights, birthing a calf. […]

Posted in Essays, Flash Fidelity

Comments: 1

Around the Corner

Once, as a child, I almost saw a man kill himself. The boys up at the wall looked down at him as he, weeping, put his head on the tracks. I stood back, watching them as they watched him. Or that’s how I remember it, but I also remember his face, so I’m not sure […]

Posted in Essays, Flash Fidelity

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We’ll Make It

Giant hail, spontaneous combustion. I’m twelve. My mom is annoying, but I love her. I need to keep her safe, so I try to imagine all the ways she could die right now: She could have a seizure and drive into the river. A dog could dart into traffic causing us to swerve into a […]

Posted in Essays, Flash Fidelity

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How I Came to Live Here

We drove through Oakland, a desultory meander along the estuary in the warehouse district where the Port boom cranes line up in a string of white horses and the big freighters hug the shore waiting to be relieved of their cargo so they can turn around and get more on the other side of the […]

Posted in Essays, Flash Fidelity, Writers' Workshops

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Message in a Bottle / a Religious Alternative

When I was six, I developed a spiritual disorder. I started believing that someday, I would find a message in a bottle. Over the years, the condition mutated from the gnostic persuasion of a 6-year-old into a belief system more commonly found in those who have seen Jesus in their toast. The conviction broke out […]

Posted in Essays, Flash Fidelity

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On Sequencing

Here’s the tradeoff if you’re a male bee.

Posted in Flash Fidelity

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Denis Johnson’s Bad Day

He looked like that writer Denis Johnson on a bad day.

Posted in Flash Fidelity

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Crab Wood

She pointed out sticks for me to pick up. The sticks needed to be long, but not too long; thick, but not too thick; and straight, without leaves. It was August in England, and although we’d had a fine summer, it had been raining all day and the sticks were muddy. I picked them up without complaining. My daughter didn’t speak much, even though the idea that we should recreate the US cover of my novel had been her suggestion. Still, I was happy to be spending time with her, because she is seventeen and I don’t get to do that very often any more.

Posted in Essays, Flash Fidelity, Tin House Books

Comments: 4

The Crocodile Hunter

When all the other girls in our class were fawning over Justin Timberlake and Nick Carter, we were in love with a crocodile hunter.

Posted in Essays, Flash Fidelity

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The Refugees

My brother turns to me. He says: I want to go home, but I don’t know where that is. I say to him, so do I. In time, I’ll repeat that line to him. He’ll agree, and we’ll order another round. Neither of us lives on the street. He lives in an apartment. I doubled […]

Posted in Essays, Flash Fidelity

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Love Between the Lines

I owe my love of literature to growing up closeted in a culture of homophobia. While other teenage boys pursued girls, and even caught a few, I found everything I needed on the printed page.

Posted in Flash Fidelity

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A Crush

Gary and I were going to make love. For several weeks, I planned to linger after the bell rang with the excuse of needing help with homework. Once my classmates filtered out, I’d saunter up to his desk just as he was preparing to score our worksheets on the multiplication tables. As his back tensed […]

Posted in Flash Fidelity

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More With Less

Imagine the quintessential fresh-from-the-land Midwestern bounty of my Mennonite childhood and you might also imagine the quintessential spread this sort of landscape suggests.

Posted in Essays, Flash Fidelity

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Fed

My mom did most of the cooking—fried chicken, meatloaf, pot roast—but my dad fed me.

Posted in Flash Fidelity

Comments: 5

The Other Side

Excerpts from “The Other Side” Coming from Tin House Books July 2014

Posted in Essays, Flash Fidelity, Tin House Books

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A Picture of Love

I stood up in a close friend’s wedding fifteen years ago in this same temple, and now his son is up there reading Hebrew in cracking sing-songese. I don’t come here unless there’s a wedding or, like today, a Bar Mitzvah. Each time, I hope to connect with the historical groaning that infuses the chants; […]

Posted in Flash Fidelity

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On the Tongue

. . . biting into it gave one the impression of biting into a beating heart.

Posted in Flash Fidelity

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The Other Side

Excerpts from “The Other Side” Coming from Tin House Books July 2014

Posted in Essays, Flash Fidelity

Comments: 1

Darkmouth Strikes Again

Excerpts from “Darkmouth Strikes Again” (Future Tense Books this spring.

Posted in Essays, Flash Fidelity

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Cussword ABC’s

My uncles taught me cusswords to the tune of the ABC’s. I was six. This was Cedar Rapids, Iowa, in the mid-eighties.

Posted in Essays, Flash Fidelity

Comments: 1