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	<title>Tin House &#187; Laugh Tracks</title>
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	<description>Home of the magazine, the books, and the conference</description>
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		<title>Crib Notes For Your Book Club</title>
		<link>http://www.tinhouse.com/blog/25211/how-to-discuss-a-book-you-didnt-read.html</link>
		<comments>http://www.tinhouse.com/blog/25211/how-to-discuss-a-book-you-didnt-read.html#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 13 May 2013 18:30:44 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Kenneth Nichols</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Laugh Tracks]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.tinhouse.com/blog/?p=25211</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[jjjjj As Stephen Sparks previously mentioned, a good number of us book lovers like to go around talking about novels we have never read. I mean, who has time to read The Flamethrowers when this is happening? Still, it can be a tad bit embarrassing to get caught with your literary pants down by someone [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div align="center"><a href="http://www.tinhouse.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/BG-Essay-Nichols.jpg"><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-25265" title="BG-Essay-Nichols" src="http://www.tinhouse.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/BG-Essay-Nichols.jpg" alt="" width="650" height="264" /><span style="color: #ffffff;">jjjjj</span></a></div>
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<div style="text-align: left;" align="center"><em>As Stephen Sparks</em> <a href="http://www.tinhouse.com/blog/23889/a-book-i-havent-read.html" target="_blank">previously mentioned</a>, <em>a good number of us book lovers like to go around talking about novels we have never read. I mean,</em><em> who has time to read <a href="http://www.tinhouse.com/blog/25275/what-were-reading-15.html" target="_blank">The Flamethrowers</a> when <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBnXiwgVhyg" target="_blank">this is happening</a>? Still, it can be a tad bit embarrassing to get caught with your literary pants down by someone who has actually read the text. Lucky for us then that Kenneth Nichols has come up with a handy guide for bluffing your way through your next book report.<br />
</em></div>
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<div style="text-align: left;" align="center"><em><br />
</em></div>
<div style="text-align: left;" align="center"><em><span style="color: #ffffff;">Tahhhh</span></em></div>
<div style="text-align: left;" align="center"><strong>Let’s be honest.  </strong>You didn’t read the book.  You were assigned <span style="text-decoration: underline;">Atlas Shrugged</span> for a class, and then something happened that was more important than slogging through hundreds of pages about a selfish woman who wants to meet some guy named John Galt.  Maybe your inconsiderate monthly book group settled upon <span style="text-decoration: underline;">War and Peace</span>, expecting that everyone had plenty of time to get through a thousand pages of…war.  Don’t despair; it is possible to get through the literary discussion you’re dreading with minimum preparation.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;" align="center"><span style="color: #ffffff;">hhhh</span></div>
<div></div>
<div><strong><strong>·    </strong></strong>    Before you meet with others, read a single, random page closely.  Even though you didn’t bother to get through Fitzgerald’s point-of-view-bending <span style="text-decoration: underline;">Tender is the Night</span>, you’ll be able to rhapsodize about, say, page 165. “The narrator claims that Dick had written psychology books and these contained ‘the germ of all he would think or know.’  I think this is really significant in the context of Fitzgerald’s attitude toward his character.”</div>
<div></div>
<div><span style="color: #ffffff;">hhhh</span></div>
<div><strong>·    </strong>     Be careful not to appear surprised when, in the course of the discussion, unexpected plot twists are revealed.  Even though you have no way of knowing that some guy named Bigger from <span style="text-decoration: underline;">Native Son</span> accidentally killed a Caucasian woman, don’t raise an eyebrow and whisper, “Really?”  When someone mentions that Tess (of the D’Urbervilles) commits murder and surrenders at Stonehenge, simply shake your head in ambiguous disapproval of the pre-feminist world in which the book was written. Don’t flip through the book and say, “Stonehenge?  Are you serious?”</div>
<div><span style="color: #ffffff;">hhhh</span></div>
<div></div>
<div>·         Pounce when the discussion turns to a facet of the work with which you’re already familiar.  If possible, mention the primary conceit of the book.  During discussions of Nella Larsen’s <span style="text-decoration: underline;">Passing</span>, for example, say something like: “It was very brave for Larsen to publish a book about the contextual perception of race, especially in the past.”</div>
<div></div>
<div><span style="color: #ffffff;">hhhh</span></div>
<div><strong>·   </strong>      During a lull in the conversation, ask a vague question that will force others to reflect on your breadth of knowledge.  Mention as many impenetrable philosophers as you can. You will look smarter than you are, and discourage anyone from challenging your obtuse, meaningless assertion.  Bonus points if you convincingly pretend to ask a question that affects the interpretation of the whole book.  After pretending to have read Gustave Flaubert’s <span style="text-decoration: underline;">Madame Bovary</span>, ask: “If we consider the book through a Derridian lens, doesn’t a Marxist reading seem the most Shavian in a Foucault-conceived world, particularly in light of John Locke’s conviction that you shouldn’t tell him what he can’t do?”</div>
<div></div>
<div><span style="color: #ffffff;">hhhh</span></div>
<div><strong>·  </strong>       When in doubt, say something relating to the title of the book. No matter what you say, the group contrarian will probably prattle on for fifteen minutes.  This is particularly helpful when used with books whose titles include an adjective.  Simply call the validity of the adjective into question.  For example: “I’m not sure the new world is really as brave as Huxley would have us believe,” or “Are the Ambersons truly magnificent?”</div>
<div></div>
<div><span style="color: #ffffff;">hhhh</span></div>
<div><strong>· </strong>        On occasion, you will have to pretend to have read books for which you can’t find  a summary and analysis from Cliffs Notes. This is a shame because those ‘study aids’ are great for ‘helping you truly grasp’ what you’ve ‘already read.’ Should your teacher/book group assign something as uncommon as, say, Grace Paley’s story collection, <span style="text-decoration: underline;">The Little Disturbances of Man</span>, look through the book’s Amazon reviews for clues as to what you should say. Then, do a good, old-fashioned slow flip through the book to determine which themes the book reflects.  In the case of Paley’s <span style="text-decoration: underline;">Little Disturbances</span>, one might discuss Manhattan… Teitelbaum…air conditioner…Virginia…<em>Morgenlic<wbr>ht</wbr></em>…Gallic temperament… and the Russian art theater.  Propose that the group discuss the “impact of World War II on Jewish Central and Eastern European short story writers who spent time in France before immigrating to New York City where they could, at long last, enjoy air conditioning before they see a Russian play.”</div>
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<div><span style="color: #ffffff;">hhhh</span></div>
<div>Sometimes, even the best book group faker can make a revealing mistake, forcing you to resort to emergency measures.  Take a deep breath, then look contemplative.  If you’re not sure how to look contemplative, try to think of the answer to a simple mathematical problem such as the amount of the tip you would leave for a polite and competent waitress who may have forgotten to charge you for a $7 martini and presented you and your guest with a bill for $53.11.  Bite your lip as though you are immersed in an existential struggle with the text.  If someone is staring at you, bob your head in a subtle sigh, suggesting you had a personal epiphany no one should feel comfortable enough to disrupt.  If pressed after your mistake, claim that “you don’t feel you have the right as a [signifier of race/gender/sexual orientation] to comment.”</div>
<div></div>
<div><span style="color: #ffffff;">hhhh</span></div>
<div>On other occasions, you will be asked a specific question by the group nerd, or the other person who didn’t read the book. Deal with this in one of two ways:</div>
<div><span style="color: #ffffff;">hhhh</span></div>
<div>1)      Say, “what did <span style="text-decoration: underline;">you</span> think?” or</div>
<div><span style="color: #ffffff;">hhhh</span></div>
<div>2)      Claim that their question is somehow unfair: “Should we, in 2011, really debate whether or not it’s okay to ask if the characters of <span style="text-decoration: underline;">Bleak House</span> are well-rounded?  Should Dickens’ characters really be removed from their…British backgrounds?”</div>
<div><span style="color: #ffffff;">hhhh</span></div>
<div></div>
<div><span style="color: #ffffff;">hhhh</span></div>
<div>Quick advice that no one else may have told you:</div>
<div><span style="color: #ffffff;">hhhhhh</span></div>
<div><strong>·     </strong>    Do not refer to George Eliot as a man.  ‘George Eliot’ was a pseudonym used by a female author during the time before women were respected as authors. Use female pronouns when discussing her or people will laugh at you. Flannery O’Connor and George Sand are also women.</div>
<div><span style="color: #ffffff;">hhhh</span></div>
<div></div>
<div><strong>·  </strong>       Thomas Pynchon’s 1963 novel <span style="text-decoration: underline;">V.</span> is unrelated to the recently remade 1983 miniseries about reptilian space aliens disguised as humans.  If you brag because you could tell early on that the Visitors were really a human flesh-craving Nazi metaphor, people will laugh at you.</div>
<div><span style="color: #ffffff;">hhhh</span></div>
<div></div>
<div><strong>·   </strong>      F. Scott Fitzgerald died before finishing and polishing <span style="text-decoration: underline;">The Last Tycoon</span>, so don’t ask the person sitting next to you if their book is also missing pages.  (The same goes for Dickens’<span style="text-decoration: underline;">The Mystery of Edwin Drood</span>.)</div>
<div><span style="color: #ffffff;">hhhh</span></div>
<div></div>
<div><strong>·    </strong>     <span style="text-decoration: underline;">David Copperfield</span> has absolutely nothing at all to do with the magician whose two greatest tricks were making the Statue of Liberty disappear and seducing an in-her-prime Claudia Schiffer.</div>
<div><span style="color: #ffffff;">hhhh</span></div>
<div><strong>· </strong>        If you decide to just watch the movie instead, be careful not to refer to the character by the name of the actor who portrayed him. For example, don’t say, “I loved when he watched Russell Crowe jump off of the bridge in Paris because of the guilt he felt.  This is what makes Hugh Jackman one of the greatest characters in all of fiction.”</div>
<div><span style="color: #ffffff;">hhhh</span></div>
<div>Each of these strategies is predicated upon the assumption that you try to figure things out on your own.  This is an unrealistic expectation.  If you’re going to ask someone else to describe the book to you, be sure your co-conspirator is someone you can trust. You will be quite embarrassed if you head into your book group, tears in your eyes, lamenting that Boo Radley killed Atticus Finch’s kids.  (Oh, and Scout is a girl.)</div>
<div><span style="color: #ffffff;">hhhh</span></div>
<div><em><strong>Kenneth Nichols</strong> received his MFA in Creative Writing from Ohio State and teaches writing at two colleges in Central New York.  His writing has appeared in a diverse range of publications, including <span style="text-decoration: underline;">Skeptical Inquirer</span>, <span style="text-decoration: underline;">StepAway Magazine</span> and <span style="text-decoration: underline;">PopMatters</span>.  He created the writing craft web site <span style="text-decoration: underline;">Great Writers Steal</span>, accessible at <a href="http://www.greatwriterssteal.com/" target="_blank">www.greatwriterssteal.com</a>.</em></div>
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		<title>THE SCI-FI SQUAD!</title>
		<link>http://www.tinhouse.com/blog/25189/the-sci-fi-squad.html</link>
		<comments>http://www.tinhouse.com/blog/25189/the-sci-fi-squad.html#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 12 May 2013 15:00:52 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Marlowe Dobbe</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Laugh Tracks]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.tinhouse.com/blog/?p=25189</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[&#160; About the Artist, Marlowe Dobbe: &#160; I am a Portland, Oregon native currently attending The Pacific Northwest College of Art, majoring in illustration. My work is stylized, greatly considered, and often times humorous. I work mainly in digital, but I frequently include elements of my physical work in my finished pieces. I love making [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><img class="aligncenter" src="http://www.tinhouse.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/BG-Sunday-Comic.jpg" alt="" width="650" height="150" /></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.tinhouse.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Sci-Fi.jpg"><img class="aligncenter  wp-image-25190" title="Sci-Fi" src="http://www.tinhouse.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Sci-Fi-791x1024.jpg" alt="" width="633" height="819" /></a></p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<h3>About the Artist, Marlowe Dobbe:</h3>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>I am a Portland, Oregon native currently attending The Pacific Northwest College of Art, majoring in illustration. My work is stylized, greatly considered, and often times humorous. I work mainly in digital, but I frequently include elements of my physical work in my finished pieces. I love making art that is aesthetically pleasing, fresh, accessible, and enjoyable &#8211; and in my opinion – that is the best kind of art. My topics range from direct observations, to imaginings, to graphic imagery, and all of my pieces are professionally approached as part of my process. Components of my personality are also a big part of my art, and I am always trying to reflect the wit, gentle humor, and creative viewing that I so greatly appreciate.</p>
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		<title>A New Twist on the Genuine Article</title>
		<link>http://www.tinhouse.com/blog/24205/a-new-twist-on-the-genuine-article.html</link>
		<comments>http://www.tinhouse.com/blog/24205/a-new-twist-on-the-genuine-article.html#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 27 Mar 2013 15:00:07 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Ron Currie Jr.</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Laugh Tracks]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.tinhouse.com/blog/?p=24205</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[WRANGLER JEANS MARKETING PLAN  Prepared for: Dieter Jacobfeuerborn President, Wrangler International  Prepared by: Ron Currie, Jr. Principal, Deadbeat Deity Marketing Strategies, LLC   1. Situation Analysis Since the mid-1970s, Wrangler International has ceded every denim-buying demographic aside from middle-aged white men who watch NASCAR, pronounce the “t” in “Merlot,” and enjoy thinking of themselves as [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p align="center"><a href="http://www.tinhouse.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/BG-HOBO.jpg"><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-24243" title="BG-HOBO" src="http://www.tinhouse.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/BG-HOBO.jpg" alt="" width="650" height="264" /></a></p>
<p align="center"><strong>WRANGLER JEANS</strong></p>
<p align="center"><strong>MARKETING PLAN</strong></p>
<p align="center"><strong> </strong>Prepared for:</p>
<p align="center"><strong>Dieter Jacobfeuerborn</strong></p>
<p align="center"><strong>President, Wrangler International</strong></p>
<p align="center"><strong> </strong>Prepared by:</p>
<p align="center"><strong>Ron Currie, Jr.</strong></p>
<p align="center"><strong>Principal, Deadbeat Deity Marketing Strategies, LLC</strong></p>
<h3><strong> </strong></h3>
<h3 style="text-align: center;"><strong>1. Situation Analysis</strong></h3>
<p>Since the mid-1970s, Wrangler International has ceded every denim-buying demographic aside from middle-aged white men who watch NASCAR, pronounce the “t” in “Merlot,” and enjoy thinking of themselves as self-made individualists despite the fact that most of them carry more debt than they could pay off in three lifetimes. Long gone are the days when <em>Newsweek </em>coined the word “teenager” in a cover story featuring a photo of a <a href="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l5mftwJtS51qbau5vo1_500.jpg" target="_blank">young woman clad in Wranglers</a> (though to be fair, long gone, too, are the days of <em>Newsweek</em>). Since then, Wrangler has lost considerable market share to other major-brand manufacturers, including Levi Strauss and Lee, as well as to boutique premium denim manufacturers such as Calvin Klein, Gucci, and Ellen Fisher. Rather than attempt to diversify its offerings, though, Wrangler has instead opted to retreat to white male values voters and defend this haven tooth and nail.</p>
<p>The resources expended on protecting this already-safe portion of the market are vast and unjustifiable. Great sums of money have been paid to spokesmen such as Brett Favre and Dale Earnhardt Jr., as well as on sponsorships with the National Barrel Horse Association, Miss Rodeo America, and the World Series of Team Roping. We believe that an innovative new product line, coupled with a bold marketing plan, will break Wrangler out of the <a href="http://static.someecards.com/someecards/images/feed_assets/4ced58943e81f.jpg" target="_blank">white trash ghetto</a> it has relegated itself to, and position the brand for steady growth well into the 21<sup>st</sup> century—as well as giving it the opportunity to play the role of good corporate citizen by helping out in the War on Homelessness.</p>
<h3></h3>
<h3 style="text-align: center;"><strong>2. Objective<br />
</strong></h3>
<p>Today’s young consumers crave authenticity. Unfortunately, authenticity takes time, and who has enough of that to sit around waiting for authenticity to show up? No one, that’s who. There’s a hot DJ at the club <em>tonight</em>, and if you’re going to make the scene you need a pair of well-worn jeans <em>tonight</em>, not in two years when you’ve gone to the trouble of wearing them in yourself. Sure, prior to the 1990s people often wore in their own jeans, but that was before inventions like jobs, telephones, and children came along and started making us all so very, very busy. Denim manufacturers other than Wrangler recognized that their customers wanted jeans that looked like they’d owned them for years, but were far too busy to <em>actually </em>own jeans for years. Their solution? They began selling jeans that were ready to be turned in to Goodwill <em>the moment one paid for them.</em> Blown out knees, wallet holes in back pockets, and eroded dyes became the industry standard. For two decades, these products have dominated the 18-29 demographic, across genders. But they have one fatal weakness, a weakness that Wrangler is poised to exploit. <a href="http://www.tinhouse.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/2421803189_ea7228c3b98.jpg"><img class="alignright size-medium wp-image-24291" title="2421803189_ea7228c3b9" src="http://www.tinhouse.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/2421803189_ea7228c3b98-216x300.jpg" alt="" width="216" height="300" /></a></p>
<p>Remember what we said a moment ago, about authenticity? What’s authentic about a pair of jeans that have been worn in <em>by a machine</em>? The answer: nothing. Nothing at all. And today’s savvy young consumers know this, even if they won’t admit it to themselves. They experience a niggling dismay every time they look at the too-symmetrical abrasion on their right-hip pocket or, worse, discover that one of their friends has the <em>exact same hole</em> <em>in the exact same spot</em> on her Levi’s. Alas, no one has yet offered them a more genuine alternative to these tragedies of automation, so they continue to buy what’s on offer and cross their fingers that they won’t encounter the rare soul who thinks buying pants with holes already in them is kind of stupid.</p>
<p>Wrangler’s objective will be to offer these busy young adults jeans that have been worn in not by machines, but <em>by actual human beings.</em></p>
<p><span id="more-24205"></span></p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<h3 style="text-align: center;"><em></em><strong>3. Product Design and Development</strong></h3>
<p>Wrangler’s new label, HOBO, will be moderately priced for sale at discount retailers and department stores. The production of HOBO jeans will require no retrofitting of Wrangler’s current manufacturing facilities, thus making the implementation of the line that much more appealing from a fiscal perspective. HOBO jeans will begin their lives as regular Wranglers—same style, cut, fit, and coloration. Here’s the innovative part: once the jeans are completed, they will then be distributed to shelters across the United States and given to the homeless, who will sign contracts agreeing to return the jeans to Wrangler after one year.</p>
<div id="attachment_24339" class="wp-caption alignleft" style="width: 257px"><a href="http://www.tinhouse.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/article-0-146693E1000005DC-611_634x770.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-24339" title="article-0-146693E1000005DC-611_634x770" src="http://www.tinhouse.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/article-0-146693E1000005DC-611_634x770-247x300.jpg" alt="" width="247" height="300" /></a><p class="wp-caption-text">A test model of HOBO Jeans has already begun circulating among the homeless.</p></div>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>Imagine all the authentic wear-and-tear those jeans will be subjected to during 365 days of dumpster diving, huddling on sewer vents, and sleeping in the mud under highway overpasses! When they’re returned, the HOBOs will be deloused and steam-sanitized to remove microbes and odors—because let’s face it, the smell of the average homeless person is way <em>too </em>authentic, even for today’s hip young consumers—and then packaged and shipped for retail sale. In this way, Wrangler can offer its customers one-of-a-kind custom jeans for a discount price, maintain the profit margin on the sale of a regular pair of Wranglers, and clothe the least fortunate among us, all at the same time!</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<h3 style="text-align: center;"><strong>4. Possible Amendments/Additions</strong></h3>
<p style="text-align: left;">A) Though this would result in a marginal increase in production costs, it may be necessary to offer some sort of incentive for the homeless to actually return their HOBOs upon completion of the contract period. The incentives would be small and inexpensive, obviously, since as anyone who’s given a sidewalk panhandler fifty cents can tell you, it doesn’t take much to make them happy. Think bottles of Thunderbird wine, clean tube socks, etc.</p>
<p>B) We are pondering the use of a swatch of each homeless person’s hair as an authenticity assurance; this hair would be included in a pouch sewn to the inside of the HOBOs, much like the small pouches that hold spare buttons.</p>
<p>C) One particularly intrepid member of our team has suggested creating a premium-priced offshoot of HOBO called HIT-AND-RUNs. This is a product designed to appeal to teenage children of wealthy parents, a demographic that, owing to its age and comfortable circumstances, has a generally higher appreciation for casual cruelty than the median (think of the kids who created BUMFIGHTS videos a decade ago, plying homeless men with alcohol and cash to induce them to assault one another for the camera). As of now we’re still working out legal speculations, as well as profit models, but initial research indicates that HIT-AND-RUNs could sell for around $250, which would make them competitive in the premium denim retail environment.</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<h3 style="text-align: center;"> <strong>5. Advertising Strategy</strong></h3>
<p>The advertising strategy for HOBO will consist primarily of a focus on brand attribute differentiation. The objective is to highlight for consumers the differences between HOBO jeans and the jeans they’re currently wearing, and entice them to switch brand loyalties. There are two main elements:</p>
<p>A) HOBO’s authentic wear-in process v. competitor’s uniform, automated process.</p>
<div id="attachment_24344" class="wp-caption alignright" style="width: 310px"><a href="http://www.tinhouse.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/homeless3.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-24344" title="homeless3" src="http://www.tinhouse.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/homeless3-300x238.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="238" /></a><p class="wp-caption-text">HOBO Jeans make you feel good!</p></div>
<p style="text-align: left;">B) The socially responsible aspect of HOBO production v. competitor’s superficial attempts at social responsibility, e.g. organic cotton.</p>
<p>Advertisements in print, television, theatrical previews, and social media will all utilize the same list of HOBO’s brand-specific attributes:</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">A) Each pair is one of a kind.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">B) HOBO jeans make me feel good</p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><em>and</em></p>
<p style="text-align: left;">look good.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">C) I’m an individual again.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">D) Great to wear every day—just ask the folks who made them!</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">E) I don’t have to worry about ruining my HOBOs, because they’re already ruined!</p>
<h3 style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #ffffff;">hhhhh</span></h3>
<h3 style="text-align: center;"><strong>6. Conclusion</strong></h3>
<p><strong></strong>We think you’ll agree that HOBO presents a unique opportunity for Wrangler International to revolutionize the denim market, not to mention the very concept of corporate responsibility. And we eagerly await your reply.</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p><em> <a href="http://roncurriejr.net/" target="_blank"><strong>Ron Currie, Jr.</strong></a> is the author of three novels, the most recent of which is &#8220;Flimsy Little Plastic Miracles.&#8221; He lives in Maine.</em></p>
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		<title>From the Files</title>
		<link>http://www.tinhouse.com/blog/21638/from-the-files.html</link>
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		<pubDate>Thu, 10 Jan 2013 15:00:21 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>J.A. Bernstein</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Laugh Tracks]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.tinhouse.com/blog/?p=21638</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[ggggg Application of E. Hemingway &#160; to the University of Idaho &#160; Idaho is a good place. It is warm and clear and sunny in the morning, and I feel good when I study there. I want to study there. My name is Ernest. I am a writer. I also fish. I like Idaho, because [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<h1 align="center"><a href="http://www.tinhouse.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/BG-To-Whom-Hemingway.jpg"><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-21901" title="BG-To-Whom-Hemingway" src="http://www.tinhouse.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/BG-To-Whom-Hemingway.jpg" alt="" width="650" height="264" /></a></h1>
<h1 align="center"><span style="color: #ffffff;">ggggg</span></h1>
<h1 align="center"><em>Application of E. Hemingway</em></h1>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<h1 align="center"><em>to the University of Idaho</em></h1>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>Idaho is a good place. It is warm and clear and sunny in the morning, and I feel good when I study there. I want to study there. My name is Ernest. I am a writer. I also fish. I like Idaho, because it is a pretty place for fishing, and the bass jump swiftly through the long and clear stream. I hope to fish while at Idaho.</p>
<p>My father was a madman, but he was a good madman, and he taught me to fish and hunt. We used to go hunting up in Michigan, along the big lake and in the wooded pine trails, where it was very clear in the morning. I liked it very much there. For a while, I considered studying at the University of Michigan, but there are no fish there, and I like to fish. This is why I like Idaho.</p>
<p>I&#8217;ve done some good things in this world. Whether they make me an adequate candidate for admission, I cannot say. Words like glory, honor, courage, they are obscene to me beside the concrete names of villages, the numbers of regiments and dates. I served in a regiment once. I cannot remember it.</p>
<p>I&#8217;ve been married several times. Women are also difficult to remember. They&#8217;re best kept in sleeping bags for cold nights in Spain, or for musing with at cafes in Paris. I also like lesbians.</p>
<p>As far as my goals go, I don&#8217;t have any goals. What are goals in this world? I just enjoy fishing and the beauty of lakes, the way the trout sparkle in the cool morning streams, the way dew collects on my forehead as I amble through the woods, and so on and so on. I also hope to study some newspaper writing. I very much like newspaper writing, though all of it is lies.</p>
<p><em><a href="http://writingwar.com/" target="_blank">J.A. Bernstein&#8217;s</a> stories have appeared or are forthcoming in The Kenyon Review Online, Harpur Palate, Crab Orchard Review, and other journals</em>.</p>
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